My Life. In Words. In Pictures.

Masisisi Mo ba Ako?

jemalyng — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 06:02:07 +0000

Masisisi mo ba ako?
Kung palagi kitang iniisip?
Bago matulog hanggang sa panaginip
Ultimo pagkamulat ng mata ay ikaw pa rin

Masisisi mo ba ako?
Kung madalas kitang maalala?
Nasa kalye man o nasa tren
Habang namamasyal o habang kumakain

Masisisi mo ba ako?
Kung labis kitang mahal?
Yung ang sayasaya ko sa tuwing napapasiya kita
Yung basta kaya ko gagawin ko para sa iyo

Iharap mo ang sarili sa salamin
Nang makita at maintindihan
Ang aking nararamdaman at saloobin
Para sa isang nilalang ng kagandahan

Mabibilang lamang sa daliri
Ang tipo ng tao ng iyong uri
May busilak na puso
May paninindigan at prinsipyo

Paumanhin at ito’y hindi ko sinadya
Hindi ko plinanong ako’y mahulog
Sa tulad mong mala-Bathala
Masisisi mo ba ako?

Ok Fine.

jemalyng — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 03:02:09 +0000

I was about to paste the lyrics of an OPM song that’s on repeat since God knows when. Happy new year by the way. So yeah, I wanted to paste the whole lyrics, but decided to write something else instead. I’m fickle minded like that. I think this is another mental diarrhea of some sort. This is what I promise myself: I’m gonna stop finding that one song that would perfectly fit me(and how I see love), I’m gonna write one myself. Not now, not soon, prolly later. Later, like X years from now. But I will.

If I were to confide with my older friends, they would probably tell me that I’m a nut. For sweating this small stuff. See, I call it a small stuff but still I choose to make a big deal out of it. Maybe I am nuts. I am nuts. Pero kasi eh… What if I’m right all along? That this is not just some small stuff? Is it a matter of life and death? Hindi naman. Ok fine. This is just a small stuff then. So much for the new year. Good effin job.

They say that what you don’t know won’t hurt you; but my Dad says knowing just the little details can kill you. Ok na ako eh… until…

I think I’m torturing myself. I over think things. I listen to this crazy love song. I don’t know. I really, really don’t know. No amount of chocolates can help me feel better. It’s hard to… cure/fix something if you do not know what is wrong with you in the first place.

Subukan Ko Lang MagFilipino Ulit

jemalyng — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 05:10:47 +0000

High school ako nung magsimula ako magblog sa Xanga. Buhay pa naman siya ngayon, pero hindi na updated. Kadalasan, Tagalog ako magsulat. Noong mga panahong iyon, pakiramdam ko, galing sa kaibuturan ng aking puso’t kaluluwa lahat ng sinusulat ko. Kung babalikan ko ngayon mga pinagsusulat ko, gusto ko tumambling. Ang emo emo ko. Ang daming kadramahan sa buhay. Pag masaya naman, ang daming imbentong salita. ”Tada!”. ”Wieee”. ”Kish Kish Kooshi Kooshi Moosh Moosh”. Ang daming dot dot dot (…). Noong mga panahong yun, akala ko bonggang bongga mga pinagsusulat ko. Ang dami ring baby talk; pati sa pagsusulat, pa-baby. Pasensiya, high school eh.

Tinamad ako paglipas ng ilang taon. Pero nablog ko pa ang JS Prom and High School Graduation namin. Pati yata ang Kumon days at first few semesters ng college ko. Naaalala ko, nagupload pa ako ng screenshot ng pagiging Dean’s Lister ko.

Nung nabaduyan na ako sa Xanga, lumipat ako dito sa WordPress. Bilang pakulo sa aking bagong silang na blog, sabi ko sa sarili ko: ”sige pure English tayo dito.” Kalaunan, na-nosebleed ako. Iba pa rin kasi ang Pinoy at baklang humor. Eh ang bakla bakla ko pa man din magsalita sa totoong buhay. Pacute pa, nadala ko up to recently ang pagbaby talk slash TagLish ko from high school. Kung hindi pa naimbyerna mga mature kong officemates baka malakas pa rin ako magbaby talk and TagLish ngayon.

Nakakamiss magsulat. Mapa-English o Filipino. Nung nag-enroll ako etong Hunyo, nahirapan ako nang bonggang bongga sa mga unang aktibidades. Magsulat daw. Gorabels. Ang English article, limang minuto, walang bura bura tapos agad. Ang Filipino article, hala jusko, pahinto hinto ako kakatanong kay klasmeyt ”what’s ___ in Tagalog?”, ”How do you say the sentence _____ in Tagalog?”.Paraakong mga Kumon kinder students ko na taga-Xavier at taga-ICA na hindi exposed sa wikang Filipino. At nakakasira ng train of thought. Ang train of thought ko na kadalasan English na.

—–

Ngayon ay Disyembre 25. Merry Christmas! Nakakaloka lang, sa Facebook, yung mga friends ko, 24 pa lang kung makapag Merry Xmas, wagas.

Iniisip ko kung saan ako ng Xmas season noong mga nakaraang taon. 2006, first Xmas na boyfriend ko si Dan. Wala lang, di ko matandaan anyare. 2007, he gave me my Esprit watch. Wow, 4 years old na yung butterfly watch ko. 2008, medyo malungkot itong taon na to, naaksidente si Daddy; muntik na siya magPasko sa Orthopedic. 2009, patay naman Lola ko; sa Lucena kami nagPasko, kalilibing lang niya ng 24, o 23 ba yun. 2010, double pay holiday; sa Sykes na ako nito. Potluck lunch kasama ang wavemates ko. 2011, medyo busy. Christmas parties at reunions kaliwa’t kanan. Tapos feeling big girl na kaya hala, kung uminom ng alak, unlimited.

Taong 2011, ang daming bago. Ang dami kong nakaalitan, nakaaway sa opisina. Eventually, nagbati naman kami at naging close friends. Natanggap na nilang taklesa lang talaga ako. Ay meron pala akong nakaalitan, di ko na ginawang kaibigan ulit. Sobrang foul ng ginawa niya eh.

Lagi rin ako nalalagay sa kru kru na sitwasyon o awkard moments. Di ko nalang elaborate kung kailan at kung sino sino ang mga sangkot. Kasal naman na sila at magkakaanak na. #alamna

First half ng taon, parang TV ang lovelife ko. Maraming stations. Palipat-lipat ng boylet. Pagsapit ng Hulyo, hindi ko inaasahan, malamang di rin niya inaasahan, nag-iba ihip ng hangin. Naging bintilador ang lovelife ko, steady. So far so good. Di ko siya boyfriend, pero masaya. Walang drama, walang sakitan- mapapisikal o emosyonal. Sabi ni God tama na raw kasi yung ilang taong pagiging kawawa ko sa nakaraang relasyon ko eh. Dahil jan, busog siya sa di lang sa pagkain, pati na rin sa pagkain na may kalakip na nakakalokang post-its.

Then came my breakfast family. Pwera si Kuya sa first row, leftmost.

Kaya siguro ako lumobo sa 112lbs. Mga spandex shirts ko, di ko na masuot. Mga pantalon ko, putok na. Kailangan ko na tuloy magdiet ulit at tumakbo takbo.

Atsaka naman kasi, etong mga ‘to rin, kung makayaya kumain, kada-dalawang oras, gusto kumakain kami. Ako naman, hindi marunong tumanggi. Ok lang, I love them to bits.

Ika nga ni Pareng Chito Miranda, di ko alam kung paano to tatapusin kaya ganito nalang bigla na lang mawa

when I wanna say something that I don’t want it to be read right away

jemalyng — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 23:54:06 +0000

I am sitting here right next to you, you’re working and I’m, well, blabbing on this blog using your Blackberry. I wanted to tweet “Here I am sitting next to you, not much words spoken, only exchange of some sort of our secret code and some occasional questions answered by yes, no, or ok.. Yet I feel content.” So yeah, it’s so long and I don’t wanna use twitlonger for that. Plus it’s too cheesy to post on twitter. I’m shy like that.

Have I told you how much you inspire me to be a better person? You’re like Steve Jobs, minus the temper. So if you would allow me, damn, can I like be close with you for a little longer? I will do my very best to reciprocate all the sunshine you’re shining on me.

Before Answering Essays.

jemalyng — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 01:24:53 +0000

Last Wednesday, lots of things were again running on my mind. So I took a tissue paper and started writing.

“Quick. I need to clear my mind. I’ve got 3 essay questions waiting for me. But I can’t answer them when my head is obviously thinking of some other stuff. Like I’m thinking of buying a book titled “The Accidental Billionaires”. I got to watch Social Network yesterday and got interested with Mark Zuckerberg. Another reason why I can’t start my essay is bec. the direction says “write legibly”. And definitely, my penmanship sucks. Especially when done in cursive. But I love writing cursively if I have to keep my train of though going. Just like now.”

Kung Ako na Lang Sana

jemalyng — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 06:56:56 +0000

Internal. Dim lights. Lounge. Piano onstage.

Background music: Ballad.

VO: Let’s all welcome, Geraldine!

Geraldine: centerstage with a pianist.

Heto ka na naman kumakatok sa’king pintuan
Muling naghahanap ng makakausap

Mike: thinking. Sitting in the bar. Holding a glass of gin and tonic.

You’re always there for me. Whenever I’m devastated and I need someone to talk to, you literally are just one call away.

Geraldine:

At heto naman ako nakikinig sa mga kwento mong paulit-ulit lang
Nagtitiis kahit nasasaktan

Mike:

You don’t know how much it means to me. Listening, comforting, and taking care of me when I get too drunk. I just hope you don’t get tired.

Geraldine:

Ewan ko bakit ba hindi ka pa nadadala
Hindi ba’t kailan lang nang ika’y iwanan nya

Mike:

If I were to count the days, my heart is crying every single day that she and I were together; I just love her too much. But on second thoughts…

Geraldine:

Kung ako na lang sana ang ‘yong minahal
‘Di ka na muling mag-iisa
Kung ako na lang sana ang ‘yong minahal
‘Di ka na muling luluha pa
‘Di ka na mangangailangan pang humanap ng iba
Narito ang puso ko naghihintay lamang sa’yo
Kung ako nalang sana…

Mike: standing up. Approaches Geraldine onstage. Grabs the mic from Geraldine.

Geraldine, I want you to know, right this moment, it’s all clear to me now. It’s you. It’s you whom I want to be with. I love you Geraldine. Do you love me, too?

Geraldine: speechless. Nods.

Mike: kisses Geraldine.

Originally Written at a Piece of Tissue Paper

jemalyng — Sun, 28 Aug 2011 06:01:32 +0000

8/24
Thinking of nothing
of something
that is worth writing
got nothing in particular
just trying to come up
with something spectacular
yet it's already the sixth line
mind is still not producing
something fine
I guess I should just stop
and try my luck some other time

~~~~
Anyway.
I've tweeted before that I wanna write something light, something humorous, something inspiring. 
But I always, always end up writing some "may pinaghuhugatan" stuff. 
One example is the recent script that I've produced for a school activity. 
I sketched a character, seeking revenge. She appears to be good on the outside, full of hatred on the inside. 

I'm still waiting. 
Waiting for the moment that I would come up with an article that has a very postive vibe. 
Waiting for some inspiration or idea that I would be able to put those ideas into words.

What to Wear?

jemalyng — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 14:10:47 +0000

Sometimes I wonder
Which is which?
Do I dress up because I feel good
Or because I am not in the mood?
Do I dress down because I feel lazy
Or because I am carefree?

I just feel like blabbing now.

jemalyng — Sat, 23 Jul 2011 20:57:31 +0000

Have nothing particular in mind to write about. The other night, after coming from a drinking session with Sykes friends where one colleague, drunk, talked endlessly about his recent Christian wedding to his now wife(also a colleague), I dreamt that I was getting married- the Christian way. Funny and weird. It was like an impromptu wedding where my team lead and my current hangout guy were both present. The groom? Another colleague who’s already married but is sometimes hitting on me. The “blessing” of the pastor was about to commence when I had an eye to eye contact with the current hangout guy and boom, I had hesitations getting married. Hahaha! Good thing the wedding was cancelled by the groom saying the visitors were not interested witnessing the event so might as well cancel the wedding. Crazy.

Call me whatever you want, but I feel odd these days. Butterflies in the stomach? Check. Hangout guy is at his cutest after waking up. Yeah I know, I’m getting more and more incoherent.

Weird Dreams

jemalyng — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 23:37:51 +0000

I’ve tweeted the other day that I have weird dreams; but they get weirder whenever I sleep in the office break room/sleeping quarters. A few nights ago was not a good meme time for me, it was as if some girl was trying to wake me up and was forcing me to leave the bed. You know that feeling when you think you’re opening your eyes and you see some sort of a shadow next to you? You thought you’re awake but it’s part of the dream. At least I’d like to think it was part of a bad dream.

Anyway, the next night, I’ve dreamt that my TL JM huddled us in the production floor and there was JP, a former boylet, drunk and being his usual drunk persona- clingy. He sat beside me and some kinda hugging me and asking him to touch him- not the bastos way. What I did was I sent him to his station to have a sit and left him there. I turned my back and went to another team mate Irene to tell her I’m Aux2 for 2 hours ‘coz I overslept. Then we heard a “boom!” in the floor and suddenly the lights turned dim. I saw a tower of package being unwrapped in my table. There was even a marching band on the floor, composed of Junby trainer, Ampatuan look alike QC, and other sups. Then I went to my station to check the package, there were tags for Aikim(a high school friend), for my lil sister, for Mark(Xylem’s bebe). They were given lollipops and candies and some balloons for me, too. The tower package was an lcd monitor and a keyboard. I was like “homaygad how will I ever take it out of the office the guards might think I nenokd them..”. Funny. Thought it was over but the marching band passed by our area again then we heard the sound of fireworks(you know that wiiingggkk wiingggkk sound? no?) So TL JM and I went near the windows and saw huge and pasok sa banga fireworks. I even remember telling him “Parang Avatar….”.

Then I woke up. Parang tanga lang.